Extremetop Speaks - Let Me Introduce Myself

Many of you know me from Recon and FetLife but for the others, let me introduce myself.

I am the founder of Tuffdudes.com. I have been into BDSM for as long as I can remember. As a very young boy, I was mesmerized by gladiator movies when the muscle salve was being tortured in the dungeon, and the Cowboy & Indian shows where the cowboys were captured and stripped of their shirts, and then staked out on the desert floor to bake - and sweat - in the broiling sun. Those were the days!! By the way, I was ALWAYS the one doing the torturing.

After I came out as a gay man, I began to go to the leather bars in Philadelphia my hometown and started to explore BDSM as a Dom. Among the things I noticed is that this kind of play is a lot riskier than ordinary suck/fuck. My favorite hangout was The Post Bar on Chancellor Street. I met a guy there who was in a wheelchair. Turns out the cause was that some guy had hoisted him by his ankles from the ceiling but never ensured that the eyebolt was firmly anchored in a rafter. So, as he hung there, arms tied behind his back, the eyebolt suddenly pulled out and he crashed onto the floor, breaking his neck. Although it paralyzed him, luckily it did not kill him.

There were other stories too. One sub had his testicle rupture due to an overly aggressive CBT session. Another had a damaged kidney from a heavy punching scene. Another guy I knew from Massachusetts killed himself after a sub he was using died. He had wrapped up the guy in a heavy leather sleep sack that had a deep mouth gag inside the encasement hood. He then left the guy alone to suffer his bondage. While he was gone, the guy apparently got nauseated and vomited inside the hood. He drowned aspirating his own puke. My friend was so despondent that he got his gun and shot himself.

It became clear to me that as a Dom, it was my solemn responsibility to ensure my sub’s safety. He afterall, is totally dependent on me, and NO scene is worth causing real harm to a boy. As hot as a scene may be, the Dom had better know what he was doing. Note that in the catastrophes I mentioned above, “safe words” would have been useless. What was critical was a Dom’s moral responsibility to be both competent and trustworthy. If he is competent and trustworthy, a safe word is not needed. If he is not, then safe words won’t matter anyway. That guy is a dangerous Dom.

I determined that to be a good and responsible Dom I needed help to learn my craft. Luckily on those days I was blessed with the opportunity to learn from some of the best. As an example, some of you may remember a Dom who went by the name Fledermaus (AKA Tony DeBlase) from the Chicago HellFire Club. Besides producing a series of hot hot BDSM videos, he also produced DungeonMaster and Drummer Magazines and a series of “how to” video tapes (yes VHS) called SandMutopia University. (https://stephenkstein.medium.com/tony-deblase-and-sm-university-8facfdf292ca)

As I said, I believe that an essential trait of a great Dom is trustworthiness and competence. The Dom must think ahead of all of the things that might go wrong and then take precautions.

In this blog we will feature guidance about safe play from several very competent and very trustworthy Doms. Meanwhile feel free to volunteer your own lessons learned and to ask questions about good BDSM practices.

Stay tuned.

EXTREMETOP